Category Archives: Musings

Is it possible to be a visual artist AND a mom in today’s world?

Sharon Butler, artist and Associate Professor at Eastern Connecticut State University, says yes. She shares her own personal experience and gives some good examples of contemporary women artists who have struck the balance, while also reflecting on our sorry past. I’m relieved to read her article on the Brooklyn Rail, and you can read it too here. Below is one of my favorite quotes from the article,

“As the taboo fades, the capacity to bear children and raise a family are now recognized as a source of unplumbed, original material.”

-Neo-Maternalism: Contemporary Artists’ Approach to Motherhood,by Sharon L. Butler

 

“There seems to be a last gasp of fertility among my friends who are, like me, in their late thirties. Getting pregnant with [her first child] was a bit like having a pizza delivered. You want one? Phone up and get one! It worked on the first try.

But this time there is no pizza.”

-excerpt from the book Bringing up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman

Wonder weeks“Our research has shown that from time to time all parents are plagued by a baby who won’s stop crying. In fact, we found that, surprisingly, all normal, healthy babies are more tearful, troublesome, demanding, and fussy at the same ages, and when this occurs they may drive the entire household to despair.”  

–Introduction to the Wonder Weeks by Hetty van de Rijt, Ph.D., and Frans Plooij, Ph.D.

I am absolutely loving this book right now! It’s a breath of fresh air for parents of babies who are trying to keep up with and make sense of the constant changes their young ones are going through. At the same time, the book completely eliminates the guilt/blame trap parents can fall into during the difficult times. My parental self esteem has just been raised a notch.

“[my husband]  says he’d be happy with just one kid. Out of respect for him, I consider the possibility for about four seconds. Something primal is driving me. It doesn’t feel Darwinian. It feels like a carbohydrate high. I want more pizza.”

– From the book Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman

Magda Pecsenye of AskMoxie.org asks this important question about Motherhood:

“Do you want the relationship enough to suffer through the jobs?”

She distinguishes between the jobs of motherhood which are on-going and many (wiping running noses, changing diapers, packing lunches, doing laundry, getting the young one down for a nap etc.) from the relationship of motherhood, which is the emotional bond between mother and child. Check out her honest and inspiring article on the subject here.

 

My Favorite Quote from an Interview with Ray Castellino:

“The Baby is not just there for himself. The baby is there to support the mother. Because the mother in her motherhood needs that as much as the baby needs that.”

–To watch the full interview, you can go here

Marrying Well: Is it Different for Women Artists then for Men?

I was watching this fascinating interview of Austin Kleon  by  Chase Jarvis when one of the guests asked an interesting question at the end,

“I’ve heard from other creatives, that it’s always important to include family. Was that always the case when you started and had to work long hours? [Family] is really important. How do you begin in that stage?”

Kleon discussed the important of mentors, but also emphasized that who you marry is extremely important. This topic is so important in fact that Kleon has devoted a whole chapter in his book, Steal Like an Artist, advising artists to “Marry Well”. In a different interview he was even  quoted as saying that this was the most important thing an artist can do for their career.

“My wife is my biggest fan “, Kleon admitted ” She should get an Editorial credit”.

But nobody sadly has heard of Kleon’s wife. Jarvis, agreed that the same was true of his wife. As both men sung the praises of their wives and how instrumental they are to their work, I couldn’t help remembering the tired old adage, ” behind every powerful [or in this case influential/ creative] man is a woman”.

Surely, this is not what these men were intending to convey by singing their wives praises. However, it got me thinking if marrying well is one of the keys of success for these creative men, does the same also hold true for women artists? What about those who are both wives and mothers? Does “marrying well” mean something different as a female creative then it does as a man? If so, what is the difference in terms of creativity, success and overall life satisfaction? Are creative women who want to make a difference in the world, better off “marrying well” or not marrying at all?

Trees Throwing a Party

2014-11-07 14.36.01In Saint Louis every year the trees burst into a celebration of Fall color for about two weeks. Greens fade to yellow, orange, crimson. I think of it as trees throwing a party before they shed everything and knuckle down for long, frigid winter. At least this is how I plan on explaining it to my son when he is old enough to ask. For now, he  takes it all in silently strapped to my chest as I buzz around with my camera trying to capture the juicy fanfare. Like many locals, the Missouri Botanical Garden, is one of my favorite places for photo ops. This one was taken in the Japanese Garden. Now that winter is upon us, thought you might appreciate the visual feast of November color. Enjoy.

” She bemoaned the fact that she was almost forty and felt she should have done more with her life. I said I wondered if I should have done less”

–Pam Houston, excerpt from the essay ” The Perfect Equality of Our Separate Chosen Paths”.

“Domestic squalor is dark and serious. It leaves behind guilt or sadness. Anger bestows on you a portrait of your soul. It is often followed by guilt. The portrait is more detailed if you have children.”

-Anne Roiphe, Fruitful: A Real Mother in the Modern World